A better understanding

I think I have a better understanding of myself right now.
I just keep throwing things, once I feel I am too attached to them.
When I learnt that I will never be their no. 1.
That's the point I start kicking them away, hard.
It's the forth time, I should have known this will happened.
It's all the matter of time.

And it will never heal.
All things burn during the process, I think only one have survived so far.
Others, even if I try, just never work out right.
The sweetness and belonging once existed, now only turn into endless pain and sorrow.
I would choose to drink and laugh with strangers, rather than seeing them again.